And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
