I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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