Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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