But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
