I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
