I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
