I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
