In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
