Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
