I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
