Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
