I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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