I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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