Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
