I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
