If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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