i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
