Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
