she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
