When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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