I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
