im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
