So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize