id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize