apparently the secret to your success is patron
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Is it penis luge time yet?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
