so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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