I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
