Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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