that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
