I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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