You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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