dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
