Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
