The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
