I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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