I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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