just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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