I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
