it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
