i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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