Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize