Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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