drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize