Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
