I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
