I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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