don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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