do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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