you would pick up someone in the library
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
