I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She's JV to your varsity
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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