I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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