i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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