I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
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