Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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