I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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