In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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