If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
