I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize