I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
