My friends, they love my intelligence
he was CRYING into my vagina
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Come on in and take your pants off
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
