once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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