Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.

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(727): View more from Florida

Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...

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(519): View more from Ontario

how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.

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(434): View more from Virginia

He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.

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(714): View more from California

I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.

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(386): View more from Florida

Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes

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(315): View more from New York

Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out

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