And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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