How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
