also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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