I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
