It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
this is an emotional support booty call
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
