I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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