shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
