Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
