i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
