I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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