I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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