Only a mothe r could love this liver
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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