DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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