My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
