I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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